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#480 - Online Dating Isn't Broken. Your Profile Is.

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Almost every midlife single I talk to can tell me how much they hate online dating and would never use it (or use it again). They say there’s nothing but fake profiles and scammers online. You'd think with all this anecdotal evidence that the minute I open a dating app, there would be almost no one there.

On the other hand, when I talk to midlife couples that are on the second marriage, many of them tell me they met online.

The most popular dating sites have thousands and thousands of subscribers. There is no shortage of profiles for you to scroll through. I've personally used at least a half dozen different sites over the past 15 years with varying results.

My biggest complaint in using any dating app is the quality of profiles I see. And that's also a major complaint I hear from most people who have been online.

Here is my take on online dating. It's a tool. And nothing more. As with any tool you use, there is a learning curve on how to use it properly. When used correctly, it can be a great way to meet people you wouldn't normally meet in your daily walk through life.

Do the sites themselves have problems? Sure they do. But when you understand what they're designed to do, they become much easier to deal with. For instance, the algorithms are designed to keep you coming back. They aren't designed to necessarily match you with your ideal person. To use an old typing term, it becomes a "hunt and peck" process.

Here are some tips that I have found to be useful in getting better results from your online search.

Know what you have to offer as a partner as well as what you're really looking for. Knowing these two things first will go a long way in helping you write your profile. When you can provide a clear picture of who you are and what you're looking for, you improve the quality of people who respond to you.
Take time to answer as many of the relevant questions as possible. These give potential partners a slightly better picture of who you are and whether they might see you as a good fit.
Use good and recent pictures. Always use a head shot as your profile photo. The eyes are the window to your soul, so take off your sunglasses, baseball caps, and big floppy hats. I used to tell women not to use any "glamour shot" photos. Now it's to stop using filters and AI-enhanced photos. While they may make you look great and shave a few years off your looks, they can be very deceiving. No one, and I mean NO ONE, wants to start off a first date with a lie!
Set reasonable expectations for your online search. How many of you used to go out and expect to find your soul mate on your very first attempt? No one! My guess is you most likely went out looking to have a fun evening and to meet new people. It's no different with online dating. Don't expect to hit a home run on your first attempt.
Be patient. Set a time limit on your scrolling time. When you first set up your profile, it's exciting to start scrolling, and before you know it, a couple of hours have flown by. If you do that enough times, you'll start to suffer from burnout, kind of like shopper's fatigue. You know, that point in time when no matter what you look at, nothing is appealing. Limit your scrolling time to 30 minutes per session.

These five tips will get you further than most people online. But even with the best strategy, doing this alone still has a ceiling. Sometimes the piece that's holding you back isn't your patience or your scrolling habits. It's about discovering what you can't see on your own. That's where an outside perspective changes everything.

If you're tired of guessing your way through online dating and want a strategy built around who you actually are, that's exactly what we work on in a Discovery Call. It's free, it's focused on your situation, and by the end you'll know exactly what's been holding your search back and what to do about it. Book yours today.

And if your profile itself is the piece you're not sure about, Mastering Online Dating walks you through building one that actually works, photos, questions, and all.

Blogs

#480 - Online Dating Isn't Broken. Your Profile Is.

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