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#474 - Don't Date Anyone Past 30 Days Without These 5 Things

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I learned a long time ago that to find an extraordinary relationship, you need to know what an extraordinary relationship looks like. Through my own dating life and working with hundreds of others, I discovered that if you’re paying attention you’ll be able to recognize someone worth pursuing further in 30 days or less.

I already know that I’m going to hear one of two arguments to try to prove me wrong. And that’s okay. And that okay. Just stick with me for a few minutes to see if what I have to say makes sense to you.

The first argument is that it certainly doesn’t take 30 days to know if someone is worth dating again. There is truth here. You all will experience a myriad of one-and-done first dates if you’re even just barely active in dating.

We’ve all experienced the process of meeting someone, usually online, and taking a little time to get to know them either by text or by phone. You decide to meet and it turns out there’s no real connection to build anything on. Thus, one-and-done.

The second argument I hear is that you cannot possibly know enough about someone to make a judgement in 30 days. You need to take time to get to know them and maybe in six months you’ll have enough information to make that judgement.

These are the people that usually keep making decisions for the wrong reasons. You see, if you’re together for more than 30 days, you start to develop feelings for a new partner and chemistry, infatuation, hormones, or whatever else you want to call it, takes over.

You’re no longer seeing the big picture. You start to ignore or make excuses for the red flags you’re already seeing all in hopes that these signs will somehow just go away.

If you’re just playing fast and loose with your emotions, you’ll likely lose to them every time.

That’s why it’s so important to date intentionally. To do that you have to have a preplanned understanding of what to expect in an extraordinary relationship. There are five parts. Here they are in no particular order:

Your Must Haves and Deal Breakers. If you don't know what you're looking for, you won't recognize it when it shows up, or when it's missing.
An intellectual connection. Can you talk to this person? Really talk, not just fill silence with superficial conversations.
Shared spiritual or religious ground. The strongest relationships have a religious connection at its core. You may not be in the same place in you spiritual journey but you’re on the same page, heading in the same direction.
An emotional connection. Do you feel safe being known by this person, or are you performing a version of yourself?
A physical connection that goes beyond physical intimacy. Chemistry is easy. But what happens when it fades... and it always does?.

Without any one of these components, any romantic relationship you try to build will be on shaky ground.

Will you have these five things figured out in granular detail after 30 days? No, that’s not very likely and that’s not the point. What you should know is whether you see enough compatibility to pursue this person further.

Then take the next few months to get to know them even more. By the six-month mark, you should have enough real information, not just feelings, to make the call on whether this is the right person for you.

With this solid information to back up your decision you’ll be able to move forward or walk away more easily regardless of the feelings you’ve developed for them.

You already know Item #1 matters. My workbook, Finding Extraordinary Love, walks you through building it, step by step. It's $27, a small investment for a tool that can save you months, maybe years, of dating the wrong people. Click Here to get your copy and check that box before your next date.

Blogs

#474 - Don't Date Anyone Past 30 Days Without These 5 Things

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