#430 - Why Urgency Matters in Dating After 40
“Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.” – Jim Rohn
Have you ever told yourself, “One day I’ll start dating again” or “I’ll try online dating when I’m ready”? If so, you’re not alone. Many midlife singles…divorced, widowed, or long-term single…say they want love but hesitate to take consistent action. Here’s the hard truth: desire without urgency doesn’t get you anywhere.
In my years of coaching, I’ve seen this play out time and again. Someone deeply wants a healthy, loving relationship, but months, even years, pass without meaningful steps forward. They may dabble with dating apps, scroll through profiles, or accept the occasional date, but without urgency, the desire fades into frustration.
Let’s break down why urgency matters so much in dating after 40.
Desire Isn’t Enough
We all desire love, connection, and companionship. That part is easy. But when you don’t back that desire with urgency, it loses power. Urgency is what pushes you to take the next step, even when it feels uncomfortable. It’s the fuel that helps you sign up for a dating site, say “yes” to an invitation, or pick up the phone instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment.
Think about it: how many things in life have you wanted but never acted on? That trip you always meant to take. The book you’ve thought about writing. The exercise routine you planned to start. Without urgency, those desires stay in the realm of “someday.”
Dating is no different. If you keep waiting for the right mood, the right season, or the right circumstances, you risk watching years slip by.
Midlife Brings a Different Perspective
When you’re in your 40s, 50s, or 60s, time feels different than it did in your 20s. You’ve already lived through marriages, careers, children, and perhaps loss. You know that opportunities don’t last forever.
This doesn’t mean you should panic or rush into the wrong relationship. But it does mean you need to approach dating with intentionality. Urgency isn’t about desperation—it’s about recognizing that every day you delay is another day you postpone the relationship you deserve.
The Comfort Trap
One of the biggest roadblocks I see midlife singles fall into is what I call “The Comfort Trap.”
After years of being single, you get comfortable. You’ve built routines, habits, and a life that doesn’t require negotiating with anyone else. You can watch what you want, eat what you want, and plan weekends your way.
But here’s the problem: comfort can dull desire. You may want a partner, but the idea of disrupting your routine feels overwhelming. So, you stay comfortable—and lonely.
Urgency is what helps you push past the comfort trap. It’s the spark that gets you to step outside your routine, meet new people, and open yourself up to possibility.
Urgency Builds Momentum
Another benefit of urgency is momentum. Once you take that first step, whether it’s creating your Must Have and Deal Breaker list, joining a dating site, or going to a singles event, you create energy. That energy builds as you keep going.
Think of it like exercise. The hardest part is starting. Once you build momentum, it gets easier to keep going. Dating works the same way. The longer you delay, the harder it feels to begin. The sooner you start, the more natural it becomes to keep moving forward.
What Does Urgency Look Like in Dating?
Here are a few examples:
- Deciding you’ll go on at least two dates this month instead of waiting until “things slow down.”
- Updating your online dating profile this week instead of putting it off until “next season.”
- Reaching out to a coach or trusted friend for accountability instead of staying stuck in frustration.
- Saying yes to that invitation for coffee rather than talking yourself out of it.
Urgency doesn’t mean you need to fill your calendar with dates or settle for the first person who shows interest. It means you’re moving with intention toward the relationship you want instead of standing still.
The Bottom Line
Jim Rohn’s quote is a powerful reminder: desire without urgency is meaningless. You can want love all day long, but until you act with urgency, that desire loses its value.
So, let me ask you, what’s one step you can take this week to move closer to the relationship you deserve? It doesn’t have to be big. But it does have to be intentional.
And if you’re not sure where to start, I’d love to help. A free 30-minute Discovery Call with me is a simple way to gain clarity, break through the comfort trap, and create a dating plan that works for you. Because you don’t just need desire, you need urgency. CLICK HERE to schedule your free call today.