#412 - Why is it so hard to find someone worth dating?
Where Are the Good Ones? Why Finding Someone to Date Feels So Hard
You’d think that with dating apps, websites, social media, and local events, finding someone to date would be easier than ever.
But if you’re like most midlife singles I talk to—divorced, widowed, or just single for a while—you know that’s not the case.
In fact, the most common frustration I hear is this:
“I can’t even find anyone worth dating.”
And it’s not just that there’s a shortage of people. It’s that the people you do meet feel like dead ends. There’s no spark, no follow-through, and very little effort. So what’s going on?
Let’s break it down.
The Illusion of Endless Options
On the surface, dating apps look like they’ve solved the problem. You’ve got dozens—even hundreds—of profiles at your fingertips.
But more options don’t equal better results.
In fact, having too many choices often leads to decision fatigue. You second-guess everything, or worse—you wait for someone “better” to come along. And so does everyone else.
That’s why you get ghosted after one good conversation. That’s why you feel like you’re competing for attention. And that’s why even when you’re putting in effort, the other person often isn’t.
Dating apps have become like shopping on Amazon… except you’re the product. And most people aren’t reading the reviews.
You're Not Picky—You're Just Ready for Something Real
Let’s get this straight: there’s nothing wrong with having high standards.
At this stage in life, you’ve lived through heartbreak. You’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. You’re not here to “see what happens.” You want something real.
And real doesn’t show up in a filtered selfie and a half-hearted bio.
Real shows up in consistent communication, shared values, and mutual respect. But that’s hard to find when you’re sifting through people who are still emotionally unavailable, playing games, or stuck in their past.
If that’s what you keep running into, it’s not a sign to lower your standards. It’s a sign to change your strategy.
So, Where Are the Good Ones?
This is the million-dollar question. And the truth is—they’re out there.
But they’re probably just as frustrated and discouraged as you are. They’re tired of the games. They’ve tried the apps. They’ve been ghosted, catfished, or breadcrumbed. Sound familiar?
The good ones often don’t stand out because they’re not flashy. They don’t have the slickest profiles. They might not know how to market themselves. But they are there… waiting for someone who wants more than small talk and convenience.
Finding them takes a little more intention—but it’s worth it.
Here’s What You Can Do Right Now
If dating feels like an endless grind, here are three simple (but powerful) changes you can make:
- Get Clear on What You Want
Stop wasting time with people who don’t align with your values. Create a list of your non-negotiables—your Must Haves and Deal Breakers. This isn’t about being rigid. It’s about getting honest so you don’t settle for chemistry without compatibility. - Update Your Online Presence
If you're using dating apps, take a fresh look at your profile. Use clear, current photos. Write a bio that actually says something meaningful—not just clichés about walks on the beach. Be real, and you’ll attract people who are serious too. - Step Away from the Screen
Some of the best connections happen off the apps. Go to community events. Take a class. Volunteer. Get involved in things you love. That’s where genuine, natural conversations begin—and where like-minded people tend to hang out.
You’re Not Alone—And You’re Not Broken
If you’re feeling discouraged, I want you to hear this clearly:
You are not too old. You’re not too late. And you’re not asking for too much.
You’re simply navigating a dating world that wasn’t built with people like you in mind. But that doesn’t mean you have to settle or give up.
It just means you need a new approach—one that’s aligned with where you are in life, what you truly want, and what you're no longer willing to tolerate.
The Bottom Line
Finding someone worth dating is hard—but not impossible. The key is to shift away from a numbers game and focus on quality.
Slow down. Get intentional. Stop chasing attention and start attracting alignment.
If you're tired of dating the wrong people—or getting no dates at all—I’ve created a free resource just for you. It’s called “The 5 Biggest Dating and Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them.” It’ll help you reset your approach and move forward with clarity and confidence.
👉 Click here to get your free copy and start building the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted.