#136 - The Transition from "I'm not worthy" to "I deserve better than this"
The Transition from “I’m not worthy” to “I deserve better than this”
The transition from not feeling worthy of a great relationship to deserving the best is a difficult one. This is usually the time that you go from missing someone from your past, regretting mistakes you made, and imagining how it could have been if you had done things differently to I deserve to have an extraordinary relationship. The transition can also be when someone has never had a significant and lasting relationship. either way, the transition can be a long process or a relatively short one. Much depends on your emotional health and maturity.
For most of us, no one is harder on us than ourselves. We beat ourselves up and shame ourselves over our mistakes. We tear ourselves down for hurting those that we may have loved. We live in the sorrow of a lost relationship with the regret of not doing things differently. And, some of us beat ourselves up for not being as good at dating as others for fear that we are missing some magic formula or knowing the right words to say. As the Tenth Avenue North song says; “You are more than the choices that you’ve made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create.”
Your mistakes should be your greatest teachers! You have to learn from those mistakes, fix what you can in your life to not repeat them, forgive yourself and then move on. Learning to forgive yourself is one of the hardest lessons to learn.
Be emotionally mature
Part of being emotionally mature is to face our fears. We all have fears. Many times it is the fear of being alone. Fear of rejection is a huge obstacle for many people…including me. The fear of hurting someones feelings can be incapacitating. We all have done some less than mature things in the name of not hurting someones feelings. In the long run, the actions we took probably hurt more than just being straight up honest would have.
Part of making the transition happen more quickly is to be mature enough to look deeply into ourselves and make the best decisions (and many times the hardest ones). It also means being about not only looking at what we did right, but more importantly what we did wrong in the relationship. Being able to recognize your contribution to any problem is a huge step in resolving the problem.
The sooner you accept that you cannot change the past and the sooner you correct your misguided thoughts (or limiting beliefs) and behaviors, the sooner you can move away from “I’m not worthy” and move toward “I deserve better than this”!