#442 - Ghosting in Midlife Dating: The Ugly Truth We Don't Talk About
Have you ever been ghosted by someone you genuinely thought was interested? It’s frustrating, confusing, and if you're over 40, it hits differently. At this stage of life, you expect honesty, clarity, and basic respect. And yet, ghosting happens all the time in midlife dating... often without warning and almost always without explanation.
Just before Thanksgiving, I met a fellow midlife single at an RV park in Texas. We walked to a community dinner together, had great conversation, and a couple of days later, I invited her to explore Mustang Beach. We had an easy, enjoyable time. When I moved to my next location, she even stopped by to give me her phone number before I left. It felt promising.
Then came the silence.
I sent a friendly text — nothing.
A second text inviting her to dinner — no response.
A voicemail inviting her for cocktails — still nothing.
That was a couple of week ago. No explanation. No courtesy. Just a disappearing act.
And here’s what caught me off guard: she wasn’t 25. She was a mature adult who absolutely knew better. So why does this happen, and what does it mean for you?
Let’s start with the truth most people don’t want to admit.
There Is Only One Legitimate Reason to Ghost Someone
There is one situation where ghosting is the right move:
When a relationship ends and emotional detachment is necessary for healing.
If you're trying to move on from an ex and staying connected keeps reopening old wounds, cutting all communication is an act of self-preservation, not cruelty. Blocking numbers, unfriending on social media, and removing contact points helps you stop checking up on them and start repairing yourself.
That kind of ghosting is healthy.
But what happened to me in the RV park — and what happens to so many midlife singles — is something very different.
The Hard Truth: Midlife Ghosting Is Usually Emotional Immaturity
When someone vanishes without explanation, especially after meaningful conversations or shared experiences, it’s not self-protection. It’s avoidance. It’s a lack of emotional maturity. And after more than a decade of coaching midlife singles, I can tell you this with confidence:
If someone disappears for a week with no explanation, the issue is on their end — not yours.
Ghosting rarely reflects your worth. It reflects their inability to communicate like an adult.
Why Mature Adults Still Ghost
It often comes down to three things:
1. Fear of Confrontation
Some people would rather disappear than say, “I'm not feeling a connection.” They were never taught how to have uncomfortable conversations — even in their 50s, 60s, or 70s.
2. Emotional Unavailability
They may still be healing from past relationships, unsure of what they want, or not truly ready to date. Ghosting becomes the path of least resistance.
3. Dating Multiple People
Many midlife daters are juggling several conversations at once and simply fade away instead of being honest.
These behaviors have nothing to do with you. They highlight someone who isn’t capable of the relationship you deserve.
Three Warning Signs Someone May Be a Future Ghoster
You can often spot these behaviors early:
Red Flag #1: Inconsistent communication
Engaged one day and distant the next. Emotional availability shouldn’t fluctuate like the weather.
Red Flag #2: Avoiding real plans
Everything is “maybe” or “we’ll see.” People who want to see you make the effort.
Red Flag #3: Surface-level conversation
If they share nothing meaningful about their life, they’re keeping you at arm’s length from day one.
How to Heal From Being Ghosted
First, understand this clearly:
Being ghosted says nothing about your value — it reveals everything about their limitations.
Second, don’t chase closure. The more you try to get answers from someone who can’t communicate, the more you hurt yourself. If you need to write out your thoughts, go ahead — just don’t send them. Release the emotion and move forward.
Third, treat ghosting as valuable information. Someone who can’t handle minor discomfort today would have made a terrible partner tomorrow.
The Deeper Impact — and What It Means for Your Love Life
Ghosting often triggers deeper fears:
“Am I too old?”
“Am I not enough?”
“Will I end up alone?”
These fears can push you toward the wrong people or cause you to shut out the right ones. But remember: the person who ghosted you wasn’t capable of building something extraordinary anyway.
The right partner communicates honestly, shows up consistently, and has the emotional maturity to build something real.
If you’ve been ghosted, the goal isn’t to avoid ghosters — it’s to understand what’s standing between you and the kind of relationship where ghosting never enters the picture.
If you want to explore that more deeply, my quiz “What’s Really Standing Between You and the Relationship You Deserve?” is a great next step. It’s designed specifically for midlife singles who are ready for clarity, confidence, and healthier dating experiences.