#435 - What Do I Do When the Guy I've Been Dating Says There's Someone Else?
This article is based on a question I received from a social media follower.
The moment those words hit you, everything stops.
"There's someone else."
Three words that can shatter your world in seconds. If you're reading this right now with that familiar ache in your chest, I need you to know something: You're going to survive this. Better than that—you're going to thrive because of this.
Vicki, I know it doesn't feel that way right now. I've stood exactly where you're standing, feeling like someone reached into my chest and squeezed. But here's what I've learned after more than a decade of coaching people through heartbreak: This moment—as devastating as it feels—is actually the beginning of something powerful.
You're about to discover a strength you didn't know you had. And I'm going to walk you through exactly how to transform this pain into the fuel for your next chapter.
- Your Emotions Are Messengers, Not Enemies
Right now, you might be cycling through hurt, rage, confusion, maybe even relief mixed with guilt. Here's something most people won't tell you: every single one of these feelings is trying to protect you. Your anger? It's your self-worth fighting back. Your sadness? It's honoring what was real to you.
Instead of pushing these emotions away (which only makes them louder), try this powerful release technique I've used with hundreds of clients:
The Unsent Letter Process: Write him a letter. Pour everything out—the ugly, the raw, the desperate, the furious. Hold nothing back. Write until your hand cramps, until you've said every single thing that's burning inside you.
But here's the crucial part: never send it.
Fold it up. Put it somewhere safe. Let it sit for two weeks. When you're ready, take it out and read it again. You might discover you have more to say—add it. Then, when you feel that internal shift (you'll know when), burn it.
As the smoke rises, place your hand on your heart and say: "I release what no longer serves me. I choose to move toward joy."
This isn't just symbolic—it's neurologically powerful. You're literally rewiring your brain's attachment patterns.
- The Clean Break That Sets You Free
I know what you're thinking: "Maybe if I stay available, he'll realize what he's lost."
Stop.
Someone who chooses to walk away doesn't deserve a VIP pass to watch your healing journey. This isn't about punishing him—it's about protecting your energy for something far more important: your transformation.
Block him. Everywhere. Delete the number. Remove the pictures.
Yes, it feels like ripping off a bandage. But here's the secret: every time you resist checking his profile, every time you don't text him, you're literally building new neural pathways. You're training your brain to seek comfort from within instead of from someone who couldn't see your worth.
The relief you'll feel in 30 days will astound you. The peace you'll have in 60 days will feel like freedom.
- Turn Your Pain Into Your Power List
While the wound is fresh, you have access to invaluable clarity. Use it. Create two lists that will become your relationship GPS:
Your Must-Have List: Write down every quality that makes your soul feel safe and seen. Not just "funny" or "attractive"—dig deeper. "Someone who celebrates my wins without making it about them." "Someone who can sit with difficult emotions without trying to fix me."
Your Deal-Breaker List: This is where your pain becomes your protector. What patterns did you ignore? What red flags did you paint green? Write them down now while you can feel exactly why they matter. "Anyone who keeps me as an option while exploring others." "Someone who can't communicate their needs directly."
These lists aren't restrictions—they're your roadmap to a love that actually feeds your soul instead of depleting it.
- The Emotional Detox That Changes Everything
Here's what no one tells you about moving forward: You can't build a healthy new relationship on a foundation of unprocessed pain. Your next partner shouldn't have to pay for someone else's mistakes, and you shouldn't have to carry this weight forever.
The Release and Reset Process:
Daily Emotional Check-ins: Set a timer for 5 minutes each morning. Ask yourself: "What am I feeling? Where do I feel it in my body?" Don't judge it—just notice it. Breathe into those spaces. This simple practice prevents emotional buildup that can explode later.
The 90-Second Rule: When a wave of pain hits (and it will), let it move through you completely for 90 seconds. Cry, scream into a pillow, punch a punching bag. Emotions are meant to move through us, not set up camp. After 90 seconds, take three deep breaths and choose your next action consciously.
Rewrite Your Story: Every night before bed, write three sentences about your day that have nothing to do with him. You're literally creating new neural pathways that don't include him. In two weeks, you'll notice your thoughts naturally wandering to these new stories instead of the old pain.
The Forgiveness Timeline: This isn't about letting him off the hook—it's about unhooking yourself. Set a date 6 weeks from now. Mark it in your calendar as "Freedom Day." On that day, you'll write a forgiveness statement—not for him, but for you. "I forgive myself for not seeing the signs. I forgive myself for loving fully. I release this chapter to make room for something better."
- Become the Person You'd Want to Date
This is where the magic happens. Instead of waiting to feel better, you're going to act your way into a new feeling.
Pour yourself into what lights you up. That hobby you abandoned? Pick it back up. That trip you've been postponing? Book it. That class that intimidates you? Sign up.
When you build a life that excites you, you naturally attract people who match that energy. You stop looking for someone to complete you because you're already whole.
Your Healing Journey Doesn't Have to Be Alone
Here's something I've learned after guiding hundreds of people through exactly where you are right now: The ones who heal fastest and strongest are the ones who let someone walk beside them.
If you're tired of carrying this alone, if you want to fast-track your healing and ensure you never end up here again, I'm here. This isn't just about getting over him—it's about becoming the version of you who naturally attracts and recognizes real, lasting love.
Message me, and let's talk. The first conversation is free, and it might just be the moment everything starts to shift. Because sometimes, having someone who's been there and has the roadmap makes all the difference between staying stuck in the pain and stepping into your power.
You deserve a love that never makes you question your worth. That love is waiting for you on the other side of this healing.
And that journey? It starts with the very next choice you make.
What will you choose?
Rick Soetebier
Author & Dating Coach
Helping you turn heartbreak into breakthrough for over a decade