#82 - Are you approachable? Really?



Have you been single for a while?  Do you get frustrated with dating?  Have you had more than your share of bad dating experiences?  Do you ever wonder why you haven’t been able to meet the type of person you are looking for?  It could be that you are searching in the wrong places for the type of person you want to meet.  Maybe you have a poorly written on-line dating profile.  OR, maybe you are just not approachable.


I have found that some people take great pride in being tough to get to know.  Some people have just had bad experiences with dating and have built up walls that really prevent anyone from getting too close intellectually or emotionally.  Some people choose to be this way on purpose for reasons such as fear of financial loss, fear of being hurt emotionally or shame from their past.


I had a conversation with a woman recently and she asked me why men thought she was so unapproachable.  She told me that she had been single for 25 years and she seemed to be proud of that fact.  She said that most of the time she preferred to stay at home with her cat and watch TV rather than go out and be social.  The night she and I met, she said that she had to force herself to get dressed up to go out.  After listening to her generally negative comments about men and dating and how much she enjoyed being alone, I gave her this thought; “Maybe you choose to be unapproachable.”


There was an initial look of shock on her face that I would say something like that to her.  Then it actually started to sink in and you could see that she was giving it some serious thought.  If you are having trouble meeting the type of person you are looking for, maybe it’s time to take a look inward and assess whether you have created an air of unapproachability.  Being approachable is a key component to having a successful dating life.


What might make you unapproachable?  Here are a few things off the top of my head.  You have a generally negative attitude about almost everything.  You would rather spend time at home with pets, TV, hobbies, etc. than being with others.  You carry a perpetual scowl on your face.  When meeting someone new, you typically have a sarcastic remark about their interests, work, why they want to meet you, etc.  You have an attitude of superiority over most other people.  You generally believe that the opposite sex is inferior.  Again, these are just a few of the possibilities.


How do you become approachable?  One of the easiest and quickest ways is to greet everyone you meet with a smile and a handshake.  Get good at remembering names.  Be pleasant, not negative.  Be complimentary, not sarcastic.  You will be surprised by how quickly you can become approachable with just a couple of simple changes.  Is this easy to do?  Not at first.  Like anything that is worth doing, it will take some practice, but in time, it can become second nature.  If you continue to struggle, seek out a reputable dating or relationship coach or relationship counselor to help you with this transition and other potential areas of concern.