#36 - My life has changed. I never expected to be in this position at this stage of my life!

Have you ever said those words or thought them to yourself? I think most of us have. Being single again after many years of marriage can leave you wondering “how could this have happened to me?” It doesn’t make any difference what the reason is, whether you lost your spouse to death or divorce or a long-term relationship ended, you are faced with a whole new set of circumstances, emotions, and decisions.


As a former financial advisor, I have found it prudent to not make any important decisions in the heat of the moment. In most cases, there is no reason to make any long-term decisions, particularly financial, for at least a year of so. It takes that long for most of us to start regaining our emotional footing especially after a spouse has died.


The emotions of being alone again can vary greatly from relief, to anger, to hate, to loneliness, to deep depression just to name a few. One of the most important things to understand is that your emotions have meaning. They are telling you something…something you need to pay attention to. You need to experience these emotions for a reason and that is to heal. If you don’t let your emotions out, or if you stuff them deep down inside, trying to be strong for others, you will end up doing more damage to yourself than good. Pent up emotions will manifest themselves in a myriad of ways and most of them are very unhealthy.


Experiencing emotions is important, but prolonged sadness or grief is not healthy either. If you find that you are unable to eventually get past any negative emotions, you may need to seek professional counseling. Good counselors will help you figure out the underlying cause of your grief, help you work through it and help you get back on track emotionally. There is no shame in seeking outside help.


After the loss of a relationship, allow yourself the time to heal emotionally. Don’t date too quickly after a death, divorce, or break-up. Learn to be alone and be comfortable with your alone time. Do not dwell on your loss but be thankful for what you have and maybe even for the good parts of what you had in you past relationship/marriage.


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