#357 - It’s okay to be a mid-life single!
I’ve worked with a lot of people over the years. Some were especially anxious to be in a new relationship and others were at a point where they just didn’t care anymore.
It seems the people that feel the most urgency to be in a new relationship are usually the ones that are newly divorced. A close runner up is widowers that dread the thought of spending any time alone.
When I was first divorced I was excited to be out in the dating world again. I just knew that I’d find my soul mate quickly and live happily ever after. I even convinced myself that I’d be able to find her within nine months.
In my early days of being a mid-life single I dated a lot. As one woman put it, I was a man in search of… There was a lot of truth in her words and it took me a couple of years to recognize her wisdom.
Fast forward to today. I’ve been divorced for more than 13 years now. I’ve had a couple of very good relationships in that time, but they weren’t exactly what I was looking for.
When I look at my life today, I’m happy, comfortable, and for the most part, enjoying life. When I look at the relationships I’ve had, I miss the companionship and the connection to one special person.
There’s something I really enjoy (and sometimes crave) about being accountable to someone else and being able to share the ups and downs, the accomplishments, and failures of each day with someone who is intimately familiar with my life. And it’s a reciprocal feeling. I want to be her confidant, her rock, her shoulder to lean on.
The sometimes-scary part of being single this long is the comfort zone I’m in right now. I’m free to come and go as I please, I wash dishes and clean the house a certain way, and I do laundry a certain way on a certain day.
All of this gets disrupted when you bring someone new into your life. You have to share bathroom space, adjust to another person’s routines, and share your personal space. These are all huge considerations when you have been single for a long time.
It’s okay to stay single. There’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, a lot of people I know have become much more comfortable remaining single in later life that they were when they were married or in a long-term relationship.
In these last few years, my search for my soul mate has taken a couple of twists and turns. Growing closer to God and making Him a central part of my life has made my search even more deliberate than it was before. Don’t walk away from this thinking I have a “holier than thou” attitude. I’m not a perfect man…not even close! I have more than my share of flaws.
At the end of the day, I want you to understand that it’s okay to be single in today’s world. Don’t let societal pressures or even the pressure you put on yourself to get in the way of enjoying your life now.
As comfortable as I am now, I still long for my soul mate to be by my side. I want to be able to share my life journey with someone very special to me. I am NOT willing to compromise my values to make that happen.
God has a plan. I have to be willing to do my part even though I rarely understand the “why” behind it. After 13 years, I’m only guessing that I have a few more lessons to learn just as my soul mate has a few more lessons to learn before He brings us together.
If you truly want an extraordinary relationship, don’t give up. It’s okay to put your dating life on “Pause” for a period of time. It’s okay to be single for a period of time. When you’re ready, you’ll know it. There’s no time limit on when you’ll find your soul mate.
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