#343 - Common interests are not enough to sustain a relationship.

connection dating

It’s so exciting when you meet someone that you have a lot in common with. Generally your conversation will just flow. Early on you’re both amazed at how you seem to connect, have shared similar experiences, and even done many of the same things.

It isn’t until you’ve spent some time getting to know each other that the gremlins start to appear. Things seem to be going along quite well and then all of a sudden you hit a loggerhead, a roadblock and the whole relationship changes.

It’s what he said or how she said it. Even if you have great communication skills and are able to talk though it, you may recognize red flags that need to be addressed.

couple in cafe
There are a lot of moving components to a great relationship.
It’s not just having things in common. You have to develop Intellectual, Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical connections. For an in-depth review of these connections refer to the first chapter of my book Dating Backward.

Then, you should be speaking similar love languages. I firmly believe that speaking similar love languages allows you to communicate more effectively and more deeply with each other. Why? Simply put, it’s like one of you speaking English and the other speaking French.

You can learn the other’s love language, but you will probably never speak it fluently…at least not without significant effort. You can definitely put in the effort, but my thought is why would you purposely put a roadblock in your way that you consistently have to work around?

If you’re unfamiliar with love languages, check out the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

And then there’s chemistry.
You can have some great chemistry, at least physically, but if that’s all you have then that’s all you have. Now, don’t confuse chemistry with infatuation. Infatuation is butterflies in the stomach, weak knees, tingling toes, and general overall giddiness.

These feelings wear off fairly quickly. The chemistry I’m talking about is the type that you have eyes for no one else, You can look at each other from across the room and instinctively know what they are thinking.

It’s the feeling you have that when you pull in the driveway and you know you’re going to see you’re one and only. They’re the first one you want to tell good news to. They’re the first ones to share your sorrows with.

Without this, you’ll eventually wake up one day and ask, “Is this all there is?” You find yourself in need of a more substantial relationship.

We’ve all met plenty of people that we have a lot in common with.
That doesn’t make them our soul mate! The fun times will last for a while, but in the end, we all need more. We need a much deeper connection to our mate. It has to be based on a solid foundation of common morals and values, extraordinary communication, chemistry, AND common interests.

The more you have in common the stronger your relationship will be. But, make sure you don’t try to build a relationship just on common interests. You’ll be left scratching your head when if fails.

I hope I’ve given you at least one new idea to make healthier dating and relationship decisions today.

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Until next week, have a great and blessed day.