#311 - Beliefs vs reality

communication dating

The definition of a belief is “an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.”

The definition of reality is “existence that is absolute, self-sufficient, or objective, and not subject to human decisions or conventions.”

We all have beliefs. Some are based in reality, some are not.

I heard a great explanation of the difference between beliefs and reality the other day. If it’s not true 100% of the time, it’s a belief, not reality.

Today let’s talk about the difference between reality and beliefs and how it could be impacting your dating life.

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More often than not, our decisions are based on beliefs rather than reality.

When it comes to dating this can be detrimental. For example, when you go out on a first date, you believe that the other person has the possibility of being a good match.

As the date progresses, you discover they are nothing like they portrayed themselves to be. Reality starts to take over and your belief is pushed to the background.

On the flip side of that scenario, you may have built them up to be bigger than life in your mind. You believed they were your soul mate even before you met. Reality strikes again.

Beliefs can play a positive role in your life.
For example, the belief that all men and women are basically good allows you to be more open to learning about someone and maybe even letting them into your life even if you’re proven wrong.

You probably believe that your best friend would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.

You more than likely believe you have the best, smartest, and best-looking children or grandchildren on the planet. You might be right, but I think mine are actually the best. LOL

Maybe you believe you make the best chocolate cake and you might just be right.

As you can see, beliefs are mostly subjective, a matter of opinion. They could be factual or not.

Where do our beliefs come from? They come from what others tell us or from personal experience. They come from our family and friends, things we read in magazines and textbooks, and things we see in the movies and on TV.

Are all your sources factual and based in reality? No, they aren’t…at least mine aren’t. I know there are a lot of things that I hear, see, and read that I have to dig deeper and find out for myself.

In today’s age of technology, it is incredibly easy to be misled by factually incorrect information. So, beware of your sources.

Beware of limiting beliefs!
What are limiting beliefs? They’re beliefs we hold to be true when they have no solid basis in reality.

Whenever you have a belief that all things are a certain way, that’s a global belief…and you’re probably wrong.

For example, you might subscribe to the thought that all the good ones are taken. Let’s shine a light on that thought.

If this is true, then there is no possibility that anyone getting into a relationship or getting married from here forward can be with their soul mate! Do you really believe that is actually the case?

What proof do you have that this is true? Have you dated every available man or woman in the world? Or could it be that you just haven’t found YOUR soul mate yet?

Ladies, maybe you subscribe to the thought that EVERY man is a liar or cheater. Men, you might subscribe to the thought that EVERY woman is crazy or high maintenance.

And just how have you come to this conclusion? Is it because you have dated every eligible bachelor or bachelorette? Or is your belief based on your experience?

The sad part is those of you that hold this belief are sabotaging your own dating success. I’m not saying there aren’t any bad people lurking out there. That would be foolish thinking.

What I’m saying is that you are the common denominator in all your experiences. It just might be that you aren’t owning up to your role in any problem relationships you’ve had.

It’s always easier to blame the opposite sex for their bad behavior based on your poor choices.

This is painful to hear, but there comes a time when you have to take responsibility for your part of any failed relationship.

This is a huge issue in today’s society. We all have limiting beliefs to one extent or another. It takes personal vigilance to not get drawn into such beliefs.

Recognizing your limiting beliefs and learning to do something about them is so important in the dating world.

When you can do this, you become much more valuable to those in your dating circle. Why? Because you’re no longer carrying a chip on your shoulder.

You’re no longer putting out the negativity associated with limiting beliefs.

It’s so hard to let go of limiting beliefs because we sooo want them to be true. After all, it can’t be you or me that is the problem right?

When you start peeling away your limiting beliefs, paying attention to the early warning signs of poor relationships, and raising your standards, you’ll be far more successful at dating.

If you need help I have resources for you.
My book, Dating Backward, is a great resource to start with. We cover all aspects of dating from clear communication to where to look for your soul mate and so much more.

You can order it directly from my website, or from

Also, consider personal coaching. Usually in just a couple of sessions I can help you see the areas that need to be addressed and help you move forward into healthier, happier relationships.

Email me at [email protected] to schedule your personal coaching evaluation session.

I hope I’ve given you some ideas to make healthier dating and relationship decisions today. I’ll see you next week. Until then, have a great and blessed day.