#273 - How a broken heart can help you move on to someone better

breaking up dating self worth starting over toxic relationships

Have you ever been blindsided by a breakup and then spent months looking back? You languish in heartache and desperately desire that person back in your life even when you know they’re not your soul mate.

Today, let me share some thoughts about helping you move forward.

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Sometimes you have to have your heart broken to move forward.
I know it sounds crazy but sometimes you need to face the loss of someone special to shake things up and recognize that you have been spared a lifetime of heartache.

It always sucks when someone walks out of your life. I know, I’ve had it happen to me several times over the years.

One of the things I discovered though is that after the pain of the breakup subsided, I was able to see the relationship for what it really was. And most times, I was able to recognize that there were problems that I hadn’t seen before.

Even if the relationship was perfect for me, it wasn’t for her. Each time this has happened, it has allowed me to grow as a man. It taught me what I did right and more importantly, what I did wrong.

Learn from your mistakes.
This is so important to finding your extraordinary relationship. By learning from your mistakes, you can become the person you want and need to be in order to be an extraordinary mate.

Use these experiences to become the best you that you can be. Did you neglect the relationship? Learn to spend more time working on the next one.

Did you spend too much time focusing on your wants and needs? Learn to be more attentive to your partners wants and needs.

Maybe you spent too much time with your partner, smothering them with the style of affection you’re looking for. Learn to be a little more patient and trusting to allow them the space and time they need for themselves.

Don’t be overly possessive. This shows your insecurities and a lack of trust in your partner.

Learn to look ahead and not behind you.
When we get dumped, we spend a lot of time thinking about the past. More often than not you’re going to remember the good times and want to cling to those memories.

It’s okay to have fond memories but also remember to look at the problems with the relationship. There are reasons that it didn’t work.

Don’t beat yourself up over things you did or didn’t do. No matter how hard you try, you can’t change the past.

I spent the first two years after my divorce thinking about all the “what ifs.” What if I had done this? What if I had said that?

These “what ifs” would only mean something if I could go back in time and try them. Since I don’t have a time machine, only God know if the outcome would have been different. Second guessing never works.

This is where you need to start looking forward. Take what you’ve learned from past mistakes and become a better you. Use what you’ve learned as a steppingstone to your next great dating adventure.

I saw this quote recently by J.E.B. Spredemann. “If you’re always looking back at what you’ve lost, you’ll never discover the treasure that lies just up ahead.”

As you move forward, not everyone you date is going to be the right one for you.
This is a hard reality to learn for so many people. You are so desperate to be in a relationship that you will literally settle for anyone that pays a little attention to you.

Learn to be picky. Use your Must Have and Deal Breaker lists to help you stay focused on what you really want in a relationship and avoid the probability of settling for someone that isn’t right for you.

Don’t let infatuation, raging hormones, or even great chemistry distract you from your search for your soul mate. We are all given only a finite time on this earth. Don’t waste it by settling for less than extraordinary. You deserve so much more than that.

Don’t let a present void in your heart cause you to make poor decisions. Learn from your past, be patient, and move forward with purpose and determination knowing that you deserve nothing less than your soul mate in your life.

I hope I’ve given you some insights to help you make healthy relationship decisions for yourself. Make this a personal challenge to take one small step at a time to keep your dating life moving forward.

For more information on creating your Must Have and Deal Breaker lists plus tips on identifying and avoiding toxic relationships, order a copy of my book Dating Backward at

Please share your successes and your missteps to help others see that you can get better one step at a time. Leave a comment below or drop me an email at [email protected].