#259 - Life is full of disappointments

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Life is full of disappointments.
Just when you think you have someone or something figured out, you find out you’re wrong. Just when you think you’ve met someone that might be the one, the rug gets pulled out from under you and you’re back to square one.

Life is full of disappointments. Today is not a positive motivation talk to tell you that everything will be all right, although it probably will. And, it’s not a “woe is me” conversation lamenting unpleasant things that have happened recently.

This is a reality check. Sometimes we need to step back and take a serious look at the possible meaning of things that happen in our lives.

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Why did this happen?
Is there something I should have recognized that would have alerted me to this? Is there something I could have done differently to prevent it? What can I do differently next time?

Some of these questions will have answers when you ask them. Some of them won’t. The important point is to ask yourself questions like these when something happens that disappoints you.

Recently I’ve had personal conversations with a couple of different women. Both conversations went well. However, later I seemed to be blindsided by the results. Was there something I missed? Was it something I said?

In one case, she was just being who she was. I’ve been let down by her before and it happened again. This was actually my fault for believing that something might have changed between us. It didn’t.

In the second conversation I sensed a bit of hesitation on the topic of religion when she said she was open to exploring our differences. I had an inkling there might be a problem and it was confirmed the next day when she recognized that religious differences were going to be a deal breaker for us.

Life happens.
Things aren’t going to go your way all the time. Hopefully by now, if you’re over 40, you’ve recognized this little gem of wisdom. The question becomes, “How do you deal with it?”

Do you take it like an adult and move on or do you have immature feelings that lead to temper tantrums or sulking for a long period of time? How you choose to handle any situation, especially disappointment, is a reflection of your emotional maturity.

I’m not saying that you should never be upset or disappointed. I’m not saying that you should be happy and have a smile on your face all the time. What I am saying is that you there is a time for disappointment and a time for happiness and joy.

In fact, you can have happiness and disappointment or sadness at the same time. It happens all the time. We just don’t normally see it that way. As humans, we tend to focus on one or the other.

A perfect example of joy and sadness coexisting side by side in my life was when my dad passed away three years ago. I was truly saddened to lose my father, but, I was also very happy that he was no longer having to deal with his loss of memory and mobility.

He wasn’t going to have any more dark days that so often plague people with dementia. He wasn’t going to have to deal with any more poor health issues and have trouble getting up and down stairs. He wasn’t going to have to struggle to hear or see anything anymore.

Sometimes disappointment can be a blessing in disguise.
I’ve often found that passing through a time of disappointment has led to better and brighter days.

Getting turned down for one job has led to getting a better job. Breaking up with someone has led to a time of much greater peace and tranquility and allowed me to grow as a man.

Letting go of negativity in my life has allowed me to find people that are truly more uplifting and supportive to me.

Always be grateful and thankful during times that look bleak.
I have yet to experience a time in my life that the sun didn’t eventually shine. I’m sure most of you have experienced the same thing.

We’ve all run into problems. We’ve all been disappointed that we didn’t get the job, get the raise we wanted or expected, or get the date we were hoping for.

That’s life. Recognize that there may be things out of your control that didn’t allow things to come together the way you wanted. Accept that and make the best of what you have to work with.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would have written a book, much less a book on dating. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would be writing a blog about dating and relationships. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would be helping you make better decisions about the people you date and the relationships you get into.

There was a lot of pain and disappointment along the way. But…had I not gone through it, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Through my pain and disappointment God was able to pick me up and use me for His purpose and His glory.

Take time to look for the happiness and joy that travel along the same road as disappointment. It’s a lot easier to get through life when you do.

Hopefully there are some bits of wisdom that you all can walk away with and improve your dating and everyday life.

Join me next week for “I give up! This isn’t worth it.”