#243 - Where are all the really good men?
That’s a question I hear so frequently that I can almost expect it to come from every woman I meet.
The question I have is “Where are all the good women?” The funny thing is the answer is the same for both men and women.
They’re out there. You just have to keep looking. But why does it have to be so hard? The reason is that if you’re serious about finding your soul mate, you’re looking for someone really special.
Sadly, most people spend more time thinking and planning a vacation than they do about the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
There are so many broken people that they’re hard to avoid.
And most time you can’t tell from initial conversations. Sometimes it takes several dates before the problems start to appear.
There are so many problems on both sides of the aisle. Men tend not to be good communicators and many times not emotionally mature enough to have a deep meaningful conversation.
Women tend to hang on to the baggage of past relationships, developing huge trust issues which, in turn, causes them to build these huge walls that keep even the best of men out.
You have to recognize that not all women are broken and not all men are closed off to great communication. Although, many times men need to be coached into being able to share some of their deepest thoughts.
There has to be some give and take.
We all need to take some personal responsibility in our dating and relationship lives. If you think your education stopped at the end of high school or college, you’re missing the boat on some really great relationships.
The reality is that your learning should be lifelong. Guys, learn how to communicate with your lady. Learn to take constructive criticism. If you’re seeing a counselor or therapist, follow their recommendations. They know what they’re talking about.
If you don’t you’ll end up on the short end of the relationship stick, not being able to develop and maintain a strong healthy connection to the woman of your dreams.
Ladies, the same is true for you. You have to be able to identify and deal with your internal flaws. Accept them and make the necessary changes. If you don’t, you’ll build walls so high and so thick that no one will be able to break through and love you the way you want to be loved.
But Rick, where do I look?
This is the million-dollar question and one that I’m asked all the time.
I was having a conversation with a woman the other day about this very question. She said she was having no success at online dating. I asked her where else she was looking. I got a deer-in-the-headlights look.
Here’s the thing. Dating takes effort. You need to use all the tools at your disposal. If you tell me you don’t want to do the online thing, fine. But, that’s like hiring a carpenter and telling him to leave 30% of his tools in the truck.
Then tell me you don’t want to go to bars to meet guys. Okay, that’s fine. Tell the carpenter to leave another 20% of his tools in the truck. My point is, every time you say you’re not going to use certain tools, look in certain places, you make the process of finding your soul mate just that much harder.
A side note. I’m not suggesting that anyone hang out in a bar just to pick someone up to take home. You go there to be social, listen to music, dance, meet people, and have conversations. Get rid of the stereotypical picture of people hanging out in bars just to get laid.
Learn to think outside the box.
This is really important. In the conversation with the woman I just mentioned, I asked her what she liked to do. Her first response was that she enjoyed cooking and wanted to find someone that enjoyed cooking too.
She wanted to spend time in the kitchen preparing meals together. I suggested that she search for a culinary group to join or take some culinary classes. That would be a great place to meet men with an interest in cooking.
Next, she said she loved to fish. She asked What am I supposed to do about that…hang out at fishing tournaments and try to get a ride on a boat or paddle up and down the shore saying here I am guys?
I suggested she check out places like Bass Pro or Cabela’s and see when they have fishing seminars or special events.
The point is to think outside the box. What are the things you like to do? What are some of the activities related to what you like to do? There are always plenty of ways to put yourself in a position to meet the man or woman of your dreams.
There is a caveat to getting out and looking. Don’t join organizations, attend events, participate in activities just to find a mate. That’s just creepy and you’ll soon be recognized for why you’re there. Do these things because you enjoy them and to connect with other people. If you happen to find your soul mate there, that’s just icing on the cake!
Finally develop multiple circles of friends.
You should have several circles of people that you hang out with. Each group of friends is going to have its own personality. For example, I was talking to a man that really enjoyed bike riding. He enjoyed it so much he had 9 different bicycles.
He did a lot of organized rides and depending on which bike he was riding, he would be with a different group of people. This is a perfect way to diversify your friends and activities so you have a greater probability of meeting someone new and exciting.
I hope you’ll use this information to help you step out of your comfort zone and to be more proactive in your dating life.
Join me next week for “Why are you sticking around so long?”