#22 - Must have a reasonable degree of independence

Dating Backward, Page 61


Must have a reasonable degree of independence

Small children require assistance and constant nurturing. As a baby grows they begin to explore the world around them. As we move from infant to toddler to adolescent, we gain more and more freedom to explore. As we move through these life stages we gain the ability to make decisions alone and become independent. Life exp…eriences can create fear and a dependency on others or it can go to the other extreme in which total independence and isolation can occur. When basic emotional needs as a child are not met or abuse occurs, this can impact how dependent or independent an individual is. Mature relationships have a balance of respect for individual need and dependence. This is called interdependence.


Interdependence in a healthy relationship allows one to feel that they want to be with their mate but don’t need to be with them. It allows the freedom to have individual activities, hobbies or interests without requiring your significant other to participate. For women, it is going to lunch, a movie or have a spa day with girlfriends without your mate being jealous. For men, it is a day of golf, hunting, fishing or poker without your significant other being jealous. Your true soul mate and you will function in an interdependent fashion. It is normal to depend, want, need, and to have love from another person. It is abnormal to disrespect each other’s need for their space and time. Men like their man cave and women love their bubble bath time. Intrusion on this personal individual private time or denial of it is a red flag.


Relationships require a healthy balance of “me” and “us” time. A couple that spends all of their time together in “us” time generally results in a stunting of individuality and personal growth.


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