#173 - The one-sided relationship
This is a relationship where you put in most, if not all the effort and your intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and maybe even physical needs aren’t being met.
If so, you’re not alone! You can blame it on many things from narcissism to he (or she) just isn’t that into you. Regardless of the reason or cause, these are not healthy relationships.
This relationship is characterized by come common traits. You go out of your way to make your mate happy, but the effort is not reciprocated. You give up your interest to accommodate your mate’s interests. Your mate is generally inconsiderate of your time, feelings, needs, wants, and desires. Their time, feelings, needs, wants, and desires almost always take priority. They are inflexible.
Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. They are not totally evil people. In fact, these people can be charming, funny, smart, may have a great job, and seem like a great catch. And, on the surface, they are all these things. It isn’t until you get into a relationship with them that things start to change. Many times, the changes are subtle, and before you know it, you’re wrapped up in a one-sided relationship and are at a loss for what to do.
The more you do to try to get them to love you and appreciate you, the less they do in return. You can ask, beg, and plead with them to step up and start meeting your needs, yet it just doesn’t happen.
The person that is least vested in the relationship has all the power. Each time you make the effort to please your mate with no reciprocal effort in return, you give up more of your emotional power. You become weaker and weaker as the relationship goes on.
The longer the relationship goes on, the harder it is to leave. You’ve become tied to an emotional anchor. The more you try to lift them up, the more they will drag you down. They may even try to make you feel that all the relationship problems are your fault and that you’re not trying hard enough.
This is where you have to be strong, be an adult, and take your life and your power back! You can’t continue to be a door mat. You have to recognize the situation for what it is. Unless your mate is willing to seek counseling or therapy, little will change.
If you’re the one that is not putting much if any effort into the relationship, it’s time to act like an adult and end the relationship. You’re not only hurting your mate, but you’re hurting yourself as well. If your relationship means that little to you that you’re not willing to put in the effort to make it great, then it’s the wrong relationship for you. Don’t settle for someone that you’re not absolutely crazy about.
If you’re the one putting in all the effort, it’s time for you to act like an adult also. It doesn’t make any difference how much you love the other person. If they don’t love and respect you enough put in anymore than a minimum of effort to meet your needs, then you need to have enough respect for yourself to recognize you deserve better. Don’t settle for anyone that won’t cherish and appreciate you.
Whether you’re the one that’s putting in the majority of the effort or the one that’s sliding along in the relationship, recognize that it’s not a healthy relationship for either of you. In the long run, you’ll both be happier alone and looking for the right relationship than to continue in an unhappy, unhealthy, one-sided relationship.
For more information on one-sided relationships and a whole lot more, check out my book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate at ricksoetebier.com/resources/. While you’re here, request a copy of The 5 Biggest Dating and Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them. It’s FREE for the asking!
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Have a great and blessed week.