Home About Personal Coaching Dating Made Simple My Book Blog Contact

Blogs

#170 - Falling in love with being in love

Hi, welcome to this week’s blog. I have no video today. Allergy season has hit me hard this year. Between allergy symptoms and lots of talking at a Meet-up event Tuesday night, my voice is about shot this week.

Have you ever fallen in love with the idea of being in love with someone? It is so seductive! We have this fantasy in our mind about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone. We can actually get obsessive about it!

This has happened to me a couple of times in my life. Most recently it was with someone that I dated 40 years ago. We reconnected a couple months ago and for a short time I had the hallucination that we could be a couple again. I imagined we had both matured over the years and things could be different this time.

That hallucination lasted about two weeks. After a couple of great conversations and getting caught up a little, that was it. The silent treatment. It stung for about a week only because of the feelings and emotions that had been reignited from 40 years ago.

The thought of being in love with her was intriguing. It had me captivated…for a moment. Then reality set in. While she is a beautiful woman, just as she was back then, we have very little in common besides a few past shared experiences and memories.

While this isn’t an everyday occurrence, it isn’t that uncommon. I’ve talked to people that have fallen in love with an online dating profile. On paper, someone appears to be perfect! Your soul mate. You like the same things, you’ve had similar experiences, you may even go to the same church!

In spite of what appears to be an overwhelming match, either you get no response when you reach out to him or her or you find there’s no connection and you can’t get past the superficial conversations.

Don’t let anomalies discourage you
Don’t let these anomalies frustrate or discourage you. They happen from time to time. Just recognize them for what they are…a learning experience. An extraordinary relationship takes much more than a few well written lines in an online profile. It takes much more than a few skewed memories of a relationship past.

Soul mate relationships are an extraordinary connection between TWO people. Even then…they still take work to nurture and maintain. Don’t try to dive into a relationship based on the false belief that comes with falling in love with the idea of being in love with someone. Don’t assume that the feelings you may have (actual or imagined) for someone are going to be reciprocated.

It takes time to get to know someone. It takes time to build trust. Put your fast track thoughts and emotions on hold until you have taken the time to get to know someone. Have adult conversations with them to see if they are on the same page as you. Then you can decide…mutually…if this is a relationship to pursue or not.

Hopefully I have given you some ideas to help you think through those times that you catch yourself falling in love with the idea of being in love with someone.

While you’re here, check out my other blogs and videos. You can also, request a copy of The 5 Biggest Dating and Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them. It’s FREE for the asking!

Please go to my Facebook page, Rick Soetebier – Relationship Coach. When you click the Like button, also make sure you click the See First button so that you see my daily tips, insights, and inspirations in your news feed.

Thank you for your time! Have a great and blessed day!

Categories

All Categories and common interests. when you take most of the relationship obstacles out of your way in the beginning and physical connections. this means you have to know what you’re looking for before you start dating. you need to invest time in yourself to figure out what will bring you your greatest joy. this also means that you have to be emotionally heathy and ready to date. it means you have to leave your past behind you and start looking to a better future. you have to be proactive and creative in where you look for your soul mate. where do you start? you start with my book anger blessings breaking up choices christianity click here. to order from amazon in paperback or on kindle communication connection courage dating dating backward: a practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate. dating backward was written to help you make better choices about the people you date and the relationships you enter into. the best relationships are built on strong foundations dating clarity disappointment divorced emotional emotions fear finding love firing a date four four cornerstone of great relationships having common morals and values healthy relationship holidays humor hygiene intentionaldater it’s time to make some serious changes in your dating life. it’s time to stop your random dating and start dating with intention. dating intentionally means that you start to really think about what’s important to you in a relationship. what are your must haves and what are your deal breakers? it’s time to start looking for relationships where you can develop healthy intellectual let me ask you a question. would you take a long vacation without planning for it? would you randomly pack a suitcase not knowing where you were going? would you then go to the airport and try to book a ticket to somewhere in hopes that there’d be an empty seat for you? then letting go loneliness love love language mature relationship must have must have list negativity once you got to wherever you could get to online dating posititve attitude positive attitude prayer praying relationshiips relationship relationship gps relationships repsect respect self confidence self worth serial monogamist sex soul mates spiritual spirituality starting over stress and overwhelm then why is this the way you date? when you put more thought into what you’re going to have for dinner than what you want in your next relationship you’re dating by accident. you’re letting randomness guide your dating life. you’re more likely to end up in poor relationship than a great one. when you can you tell me more about what you don’t want than what you do want in your next relationship you’re focusing on the wrong things. when you consistently choose partners badly you’re not crystal clear about what you want in a mate. when you stay in poor relationships too long because you’re afraid of hurting their feelings or because it’s easier to stay than to start over toxic relationships traditions trust values and morals what is your why? where do you stay? you don’t have any accommodations reserved so you’re stuck with whatever might be available. you could get really lucky and end up in a 5-star resort or you could end up in a bug infested dump. this is exactly the way dating goes today. if this isn’t the way you’d take a vacation widowed you don’t have faith that something better actually exists for you. if any one of these things sounds like you you don’t value yourself enough. when you stay because the sex is good but the rest of the relationship isn’t you’re dating for all the wrong reasons! when you stay in a mediocre relationship because you don’t believe in extraordinary relationships or soul mates you won’t need to spend a lot of time trying to fix a broken relationship or marriage later on. i won’t lie. finding your soul mate is challenging. but when you find your forever love you’ll instantly recognize why none of your past relationships worked out. to order your copy of dating backward from my website