#132 - I have no love to give!
Are you emotionally healthy enough for love and a loving relationship? If you have recently lost a spouse or ended a marriage or relationship, you’re not ready for a new relationship. Regardless of how ready you might think you are, you aren’t! There is a healing and growing process we all have to go through. We all deny it! It isn’t until we are a year or more past the end of the relationship that we realize how much we have grown. I’ve not met anyone yet that hasn’t experienced this realization.
The emotional trauma of a divorce, death or even the end of a long-term relationship can cause us to make poor relationship decisions. This trauma can also cause us to be poor relationship partners. The question is; do you recognize your emotional vulnerability? Most people don’t! I didn’t realize the emotional healing and growing I needed to do after my divorce. I was told that it would happen, but I chose not to believe. It wasn’t until 13 months after my divorce that I recognized how much I had healed and grown.
Have you worked through your anger after your spouse walked out? Have you worked through your fear of being alone and starting over? Can you hold a conversation without venting about your ex or continually reminiscing about your deceased spouse or past relationship?
As a dating coach, I see this come up time and again. However, the emotional issues are not just created by the loss of a relationship. They could date back to childhood and family issues. Regardless of where the issues started, if they are left unrecognized and unmanaged, they can cause relationship problems in the future.
The grieving and healing process just takes time. There are no quick fixes. There is no magic pill. I don’t even have a magic wand that I can wave over you to make it better any faster. Trying to speed up the process or worse yet, ignoring the process will have unfortunate results later on.
There may even come a time when no relationship feels right and you aren’t the least bit interested in looking. Recognize that you have no love to give someone else. This is a part of a healthy healing process. All of your efforts need to be turned inward to heal. This is a time that is all about you. The key is to recognize this healing time and not force yourself into a relationship just to be with someone. Embrace this “alone time” and don’t rush it. In the end you will be happier, healthier and ready for your extraordinary relationship.