#120 - Are you perfectly clear about what you want in a relationship?

Recently I had an opportunity to attend a speed dating event as a participant. The question I asked all the ladies that came to sit in front of me was this; “Describe your ideal relationship.” That question took most of the women by surprise. At least 90% of them had never thought about that question and could only come up with vague answers like companionship, honesty, supportive and loving. Only one woman could actually describe her ideal relationship in any detail.

This informal study reinforces what I have discovered in my workshops and working one-on-one with clients. Most people are not clear about what they are looking for in a relationship. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that most singles spend more time planning a vacation than they do thinking through the specifics of what a great relationship should look like.
Finding an extraordinary mate, like any other goal, takes careful thought and planning. You need to become absolutely clear on what is important to you and what isn’t. You need to take the time to write out all the details of your ideal relationship. What does he/she look like? What do they like to do? What qualities do they need to possess? What do you see, hear and feel when you are with this person?
Here are some other questions to think about and answer.
  • How will you know when you have found your soul mate (or extraordinary relationship)?
  • What is stopping you from having this relationship right now?
  • What resources will you need to help you find your extraordinary relationship? Some examples might include getting physically fit, getting involved in church or social groups, creating an on-line dating profile, gain control of your finances, just to name a few. In other words, are you the person you need to be to attract your ideal mate?
Until you become absolutely clear about what your extraordinary relationship looks like, you will never find what you truly want. You will always be settling for less. When you settle for less than everything you want, you devalue yourself. You tell yourself that you are not worthy of an extraordinary relationship and that is the worst lie you can tell!

Before you go out on another date, become absolutely clear about what you are looking for. Don’t waste any more time dating people that do not have extraordinary relationship potential.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at [email protected].
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