Is fidelity a lost art?

#348 - Is Anyone Capable of Being Faithful Anymore?

Are Men More Optimistic About Dating Than Women?

Recently, as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed I came across a question asking, “Are people even faithful anymore?” The responses were very interesting and pretty evenly divided. The men unequivocally said Yes, people are faithful. Women, on the other hand, almost universally said No.

I decided to dig into this topic a little deeper. There are a wide range of studies that give varying conclusions. A 2020 Pew Research Institute study observed that women are much more pessimistic about dating today than men and say it’s much harder in just the last 10 years.

My personal experience through coaching also points to women overall being more pessimistic than men. Women are usually the first to complain about the quality of the men they meet. They seem to be much more likely to get frustrated with dating and be willing to give up looking altogether than men.

I have a couple of ideas of why this is and this is by no means a scientific observation. These are simply my observations. Cultural context, personal experiences, and individual personalities all play a role in shaping people's attitudes and concerns about fidelity in relationships.

Women, in general, do not seem to be as actively engaged in the dating process as men. On average, the women I talk to have dates with 5 to 8 different men per year.

Men, in general, aren’t much better in terms of dating with 10 to 12 different women per year. In both cases this also takes into account that some of these individual dates turn into short term “relationships” that quickly fizzle out because they just weren’t a good fit.

In either case there seems to be little cause for pessimism in their dating lives simply because neither men nor women appear to be putting in a significant effort to find their soul mate.

Another reason for pessimism is dating experiences. We’ve all had bad experiences with dating. And personally, I know that most of our bad experiences are self-inflicted. We choose to date people that attract us for various reasons and most times those reasons aren’t logical. They’re based on emotion and the raging hormones of infatuation.

Don’t misunderstand me. I believe emotions are a wonderful thing. They just aren’t the best way to make important decisions, especially decisions that may potentially to last a lifetime.

What causes people to be unfaithful? I firmly believe it’s the fact that something is missing in the relationship. This stems from settling for less than what you want in the first place. It comes from the mistaken belief that you can’t have everything you want in the first place.

This is the big lie that you’ve been told for most of your life and it’s been told to you by those that have sacrificed their true happiness by settling. This is your parents, friends, and even counselors and therapists. They all try to convince you that you have to put up with a lot more crap than you actually need to.

Look at all the relationships around you. On average only 1 in 10 is a healthy, strong, extraordinary relationship. These are the ones that didn’t settle and you should seek to emulate. And if you talk to those couples they will likely tell you the same thing. Their partner brough more to the relationship than they could have imagined.

Search for that special person that’s going to lift you up just as you lift them up. Seek someone that will naturally enhance your life just as you do for them. Life is not perfect. Relationships aren’t perfect. Yet, when you find that special person, you’ll make life so much easier for each other because you both have a partner that is encouraging, positive and willing to work on your relationship to make it better every day. When you find this relationship you’ll never worry about infidelity a day in your life.

That’s this week’s food for thought.

If you're a mid-life single struggling with finding a healthy relationship, you're in the right place. I can show you how to set higher standards  and create better dating opportunities so that you're more effective at finding your soul mate. Email me at [email protected]. Let's see if you're someone I can help too.