#374 - Are there any good women available?

dating healthy relationship healthy women to date

One very common question I get from men is “where can I find a good women?” As I said in blog a couple of weeks ago there are plenty of good men AND good women out there.

The problem is that so many women get fed a lot of garbage that all their dating problems fall squarely on men’s shoulders. The last time I checked, it takes two to tango. Traditionally men take it in the teeth when a relationship ends.

To hear women tell it, men don’t communicate, they don’t know how to treat a woman, they cheat, they lie, they don’t remember special dates, can’t read minds, etc., etc., etc.

The problem is that women expect men to be like them, to magically understand what they’re thinking, and buy into all the flowery crap they’ve been told about dating.

I came across the following tidbit online recently. While it sounds wonderful, ladies this will set you up for relationship failure.

“This is why she's single.

She is saving herself for someone who has genuine intentions with her from the very first conversation.

She does crave love and affection, but she is at the point in her life where she isn't going to let temporary people touch her mind, body or soul.

She is done having shallow conversations with people who didn't deserve her precious time in the first place.

Throughout the years, she has experienced trauma that has taken an unfortunate toll on her mental health, and she will never settle for someone who will make her question her own self-worth ever again.

She knows how valuable her life is, and she isn't afraid to continue on this journey alone because she is done with false fronts from people with hidden agendas.

The truth is ......

She's the true definition of an anomaly in this generation, and her elegant heart has more love to give than the number of synapses in the human brain, and let's not forget her soul....

Her soul reaches beyond the stars into galaxies that will be unknown for centuries to come.”

~ Cody Bret

Ladies, this is the type of thinking that will keep you single. What this is telling men is that you don’t have to deal with what’s hurt you in the past. You don’t have to fix what’s broken in you and you’ll not open yourself up to being vulnerable again. 

You’re saying that you expect him to do all the heavy lifting in a relationship. He needs to seek you out. He needs to prove his worth. He needs to prove his faithfulness. He has to do all this and more while you sit back and observe.

The question then is what are you bringing to the table? In a “relationship” like this, you bring no value to a good man! If you’re not being open, honest and vulnerable, you’re not bringing anything to the table. Why would you expect him to put ANY effort into dating, much less courting you?

Ladies, dating is a two-way street. If you’re not participating in the process you should expect nothing in return. And you CANNOT have an extraordinary relationship without taking the risk of being hurt again.

It’s time to start looking in the mirror to see what you contributed to your past relationships that caused them to fail. Again, dating is a two-way street. Men, you have the same obligation to look in the mirror to figure out what you did or didn’t do to contribute to your failed relationships.

Men, it’s ALWAYS your responsibility to be a gentleman. If you don’t know how, find a mentor, someone that has a great marriage or relationship. If you can’t find one or don’t know someone like that, there’s some very good help online. If you need help finding good direction, let me know and I can point you to some reliable resources.

Ladies, if you continually fail to observe red flags and warning signs of a mismatched relationship, that’s on you. That’s not on the men you dated. This is where dating gets a little tough for most people. It’s the “I hope something will change” mentality that keeps you stuck with the wrong person.

What should be happening, and this applies to both men and women, is to stop dating or end the relationship as soon as red flags become obvious or as soon as you realize they don’t possess all you are looking for in your next relationship.

Ladies, stop blaming men for all of your dating problems. You control your relationship decisions and he controls his. You don’t need to stick around until you’ve made every possible effort to try to make a BAD relationship something worth having.

By owning your part of messing up your past relationships, you can learn to date differently and become much more satisfied with your results. If you don’t, bitterness and frustration set in and that isn’t fun for anyone.

If you need help figuring out how to stop floundering in a sea of heartache and date more effectively, please reach out and let’s talk. Together we can figure out what changes to make to help you find your soul mate.

Happy dating.