#373 - It’s all about the basics.

basics of dating when giving up isn't an option

Over the past year or so I’ve been inundated with videos and mems on social media about dating and relationships. In the past 6 months I’ve noticed I’m developing a really negative attitude.

Women posting that they don’t need or want a man in their life. Men posting how women have become too much trouble to deal with so they’d rather remain single.

For years people have chosen to make dating and relationships so much harder than they need to be. Counselors, therapists, and even Christian counselors and pastors tell their single clients and congregations that they need to settle for someone less than extraordinary.

The reason? They’ve never experienced an extraordinary relationship. On top of that, society tells you that you deserve the best of everything; the best home, the best car, the best food, the best vacation, etc., until it comes to relationships. Then, you’re too picky.

You’re expected to settle for someone that isn’t going to truly enhance your life. A settling can lead to dissatisfaction and unfulfilled relationships. Sadly, it’s what most couples do today. Then, you’re expected to just work through all the problems.

If you’re a conspiracy theorist you might think the counseling industry is plotting against your next relationship! LOL

Sadly, whenever you accept that you have to settle, you’re accepting someone else’s belief that extraordinary or soul mate matches aren’t real. Just because YOU’VE never experienced extraordinary doesn’t mean it doesn't exist.

Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic for believing in soul mates. And maybe it’s the fact that I’ve talked to enough couples that are in an extraordinary relationships that keep me believing.

There are tricks and no magic formulas to find your soul mate. It really boils down to getting back to dating and relationship basics. Unfortunately, most of us were never taught these basics.

Ever since my divorce more than 14 years ago, I started to recognize there are some fundamental elements that make great relationships great. They’re things like always acting like a gentleman or a lady. If you don’t know how…start Googling the subjects.

Learn what you want and don’t want in a relationship. Learn to make better choices in the people you date before committing to a relationship. If you happen to choose poorly, don’t linger in the relationship once you recognize it’s not a good fit for you.

Just because someone isn’t a good fit doesn’t mean they are a bad person; it just means they may not share common morals and values, some common interests, or have personality traits that aren’t compatible with yours.

So many relationship and marriage problems can be avoided just by paying attention to whom you’re dating and why. It’s about being patient and particular.

Finally, you don’t need to give up on dating because of past experiences. Experience should be your mentor and help you make better choices or decisions going forward. Each date should be a learning experience.

If you struggle with trying to avoid making the same mistakes you’ve made in the past, you may just need someone to be accountable to. That’s what I’m here for. Dating isn’t rocket science. It just takes time, commitment and a little effort and you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish.

Happy dating!