#368 - Are you giving up on dating because you’ve forgotten WHY you’re dating?

Studies today show that over two thirds of single people over age 50 will remain single for the rest of their lives. That’s a pretty sobering statistic.

More and more people, especially women, are telling me they are giving up on dating. It’s too stressful, too many bad relationships, and on and on. On top of that, most people refuse to look at their contribution to their dating and relationship problems. “It’s all their fault!”

If I had to venture a guess, I’d say that none of you were forced to date anyone. You had a choice! Even if you did everything right relationally and they did everything wrong, you still stayed in the relationship long after you saw red flags, warning signs, or that the two of you just weren’t compatible.

As the saying goes, it takes two to tango! Whenever you point the finger of blame at someone else, remember you have three fingers pointing back at you.

All of your dating problems start with not knowing what you want in your next relationship, staying too long trying to make a relationship work, and not knowing or not remembering WHY you’re searching for your soul mate in the first place.

I’ve talked about creating your Must Have and Deal Breaker lists hundreds of times over the past 10 years. They’re the foundation or the standard you should have established ahead of time to be able to prescreen any potential partners.

But what is your “Why?” Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone? One night I was sitting and thinking about my own why and the things I genuinely miss about being married.

What I love and miss about marriage:

• Someone that has your back.
• Someone to hug at important times (and this goes both ways, giving and receiving.)
• Someone to hold hands with.
• Someone to cook with and for.
• Someone to discuss important decisions with.
• Someone to have a conversation with.
• Someone to discuss the day’s events with.
• Someone to my successes and failures with.
• Someone to plan the future with.
• Someone to plan tomorrow with.
• Someone to create new family traditions with.
• Someone to revive old family traditions with.
• Someone to do things for.
• Someone to do things with.
• Someone to do laundry for.
• Someone to do yardwork with.
• Someone to clean the house with.
• Someone to love and to love me back.
• Someone to go to church with.

I could go on but hopefully you get the point. And I won’t even get into the health benefits of being married or the emotional impact of wanting to be a better person everyday because of your spouse.

As a couple, you’re able to accomplish so much more together than you can individually. In my book, Dating Backward, we describe that impact as a mathematical formula as 1 + 1 = 1¹⁰.

What is your Why? If you’re thinking about giving up on finding your soul mate or have already giving up on dating, think about your Why. Maybe you’ve just forgotten to focus on it and are more focused on the actual search for your soul mate. Maybe you’ve never really thought about why you want someone in your life other than you just had an urge and an emptiness inside.

If you’re clear on your Why, your frustrations and discouragement should be kept to a minimum because you have your eye on the long-term benefits of finding your soul mate.

If you need help clarifying your Must Haves and Deal Breakers, click this link to request a copy of Creating Your Must Have and Deal Breaker Lists.