#297 - Do you sometimes feel like a dating hand-me-down?

breaking up communication connection relationships toxic relationships

This is a feeling that has struck me several times in the past few years. You date someone, get to know them and for whatever reason it just doesn’t work out.

They may break it off with you or you may break it off with them. It really doesn’t make any difference who moved on first.

Then somewhere down the road, maybe a couple of months, maybe a year, you find out they’re engaged or even got married.

Wait! What just happened? We were just together and now this? How could they move on so quickly?

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It can really make you wonder, “What’s wrong with me?”
How did they jump from dating you, supposedly being in love with you, and then marry someone else in such a short time?

And here you are…still just trying to find someone to date! Don’t succumb to the negative thoughts that can fill your head.

Thoughts like I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, short enough, rich enough, etc., etc., should have no place in your mind.

Recently someone posted on my Facebook page that “No one wants a 50-year-old woman with young kids.” Is she right? Absolutely! If that’s what she keeps telling herself she will subconsciously chase every man away by finding fault with everyone…but her.

This is a great time for self-reflection.
What are the reasons for the breakup? Were there deal breakers present for either one of you? Was there something missing on either Must Have List?

Were there signs of emotional issues? Have you given yourself enough time to grieve and heal from the loss of past relationships? This one thing can be a huge barrier to any healthy future relationship.

What is your reason for dating?
Are you afraid of being alone? Are you looking for someone to take care of you physically or financially?

Are you looking for someone to help you take care of or raise your kids?

Or…are you looking for the joy and happiness that comes with finding that one special person to spend the rest of your life with?

Then, you might think “if it’s not me, it must be them.”
And, you might be right. It certainly could be them. Were the people you dated emotionally healthy and ready to date?

If you dig a little deeper, you may discover they were desperate to be in a relationship and the next person to come along got sucked into their desire. Maybe their new relationship is healthy, maybe it isn’t.

In the end, that’s not for you to worry about. Your focus should be on being the best you that you can be. Make sure you’ve taken the time to heal from your past relationships.

Accept the fact that you were part of why your past relationships didn’t work. This admission doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t mean you’re somehow broken. It just means that you weren’t ready to be in a relationship, weren’t a good match or maybe you just chose poorly.

Learn from each relationship and each dating experience.
Everyone you meet has something to teach you. It’s up to you to recognize and learn from each experience.

Keep looking, keep dating and by all means remain patient.

The fact is there may be nothing wrong with you! From my experience sometimes things just happen.

When you’re truly searching for your soul mate, perfection takes time.
I’m not suggesting that you be perfect or that your soul mate will be a perfect person.

What I’m saying is that there is someone perfect for you. It will take the two of you to create an extraordinary relationship.

If you’re not sure what extraordinary looks like, here are the key characteristics of all great relationship. Your mate will have all of your Must Haves and none of your Deal Breakers.

You must develop deep Intellectual, Spiritual, Emotional and Physical connections.

You should speak similar Love Languages because it will deepen your ability to communicate your feelings with and for each other.

And last but not least, there needs to be Chemistry. This is the magic sauce that flows through all aspects of your relationship. It’s part of your ability to enhance each other’s lives daily.

Don’t confuse Chemistry with infatuation. Infatuation wears off after a short period of time. When it does, it will be your Chemistry combined with all the other moving parts of an extraordinary relationship that will keep the two of you together.

Unless all of these components come together at the same time, it’s impossible to have extraordinary.

When you do find your soul mate, that extraordinary relationship, you’ll understand why none of your past relationships worked out.

That’s this week’s food for thought.

Thanks for watching. Have a great and blessed week.