#288 - Are you falling for phony lines and 3rd rate guys?
When it comes to dating and relationships, it seems that common sense flies right out the window!
Your emotions take over and that’s when bad decisions are made.
Why does this happen?
It happens for a number of reasons. It can happen when you’re lonely and that makes you vulnerable to attention you wouldn’t normally be attracted to.
It can happen when your self-esteem is low and it feels good to have someone pay attention to you and compliment you in ways you haven’t heard in a long time.
It can happen if you’re co-dependent and feel a deep need to take care of someone for all the wrong reasons.
When you’re emotionally vulnerable you become susceptible to flattery of any kind.
It’s so easy to be overtaken by slick lines and flattery. Why? Because you don’t hear good sincere compliments often enough.
Learn to discern between sincere flattery and BS from 3rd rate daters.
You don’t need to accept a date just because he’s the only one paying attention to you right now.
First and foremost, make sure your self-respect is fully charged and loaded.
This is where so many of you drop the ball. You’re not feeling great about yourself and you’re flattered by the first guy that pays even a little attention to you.
You think you have boundaries but they’re not firmly in place. They collapse quickly and you fear saying no because he might walk away. So, you say okay.
You say okay to a date you don’t really want to go on. You say okay to sex in fear that if you say no, he won’t call again.
Fear is no way to live! You deserve better than that!
Men can sense your insecurity.
One of two things will happen if your self-respect isn’t healthy. The good guys are going to walk away because they don’t want to deal with your issues.
The bottom feeders are going to make their moves when they recognize your vulnerabilities, swoop in for some easy sex, and maybe a free place to stay for a while.
They’ll move on as soon as they find their next “free meal”.
How do you avoid this?
Simple! You get your head straight. This is much easier said than done.
You first have to understand why you’re feeling lonely and needy. Are there issues from past relationships that you haven’t gotten past? Maybe you’re trying to move on too quickly.
It takes time to grieve and heal from the loss of any relationship, good or bad. Don’t start dating until you’re emotionally ready. That’s usually the time when you recognize that you don’t need anyone in your life, you just want someone to share life with.
One of the best ways to help you work through the loneliness during the grieving and healing process is to be social.
Don’t lock yourself away. Even in the era of COVID, there are ways of social. If you can’t get out due to local restrictions, connect with others online.
Many groups I know using services like Skype and Zoom to be able to connect. If you’re someplace that allows groups to congregate, participate! Don’t sit at home alone feeling lonely and sorry for yourself.
Volunteer when possible. Research shows that one of the best ways to move forward out of loneliness and loss of a relationship is to volunteer to help others.
Immerse yourself in podcasts, books, and videos that share a positive message. When you continually fill your head with good things, your gloominess goes away.
Get some exercise! I’m not telling you to go out and become a gym fanatic. Studies show one of the best ways to improve your mood and even become more creative is to get some exercise.
Whether you go to the gym, do a workout at home or just simply go for a 20-minute walk, exercise and fresh air will not only make you feel better emotionally, it will help you feel better physically.
Another side benefit of exercise is that because it helps clear your mind, your mind works better and solutions to the issues you’re dealing with will come more quickly.
Finally, put a smile on your face first thing in the morning when you look at yourself in the mirror. The smile tells your brain “Hey, she’s smiling! There must be something to be happy about.” Try it. It works.
I’ll bet you thought I forgot what this article was about, didn’t you? LOL
Well I didn’t. The point of all this is the get your head in a better place and build up your self-esteem.
When you change your mindset, when you’re not feeling so lonely, when you’re not feeling so needy, you’re far less likely to fall for the insincere flattery and quickly recognize the 3rd rate daters.
Learn to recognize your worth. Recognize that you can add value to those around you. Don’t settle for cheap lines and cheap dates.
If you need guidance on making better dating and relationship decisions, order a copy of my book Dating Backward today. Just click this link.