#272 - 8 people you should never date

Do you ever wonder why dating can be so hard at times? I’ve discovered than a lot of our problems stem from the people we date. I know I sound like Captain Obvious. Seriously though, here are 8 of the most common problem relationships that people talk to me about.

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There are 8 people you should never date!
When you date any of the following people, you’re automatically accepting roadblocks or hurdles to a great relationship. Any one of the following issues should make you want to walk away from a potential relationship.

When they have two or more of these attributes, you should run for the hills.

1. Never date someone that isn’t divorced.
I’m sure this seems pretty obvious, but you’d be surprised at the number of people that are dating before they’re divorced.

It doesn’t make any difference how long they’ve been separated and how much they say they’re past their soon-to-be ex. If the divorce isn’t final, they’re still married.

There are so many potential land mines including a reconciliation or they never really intended to get a divorce in the first place. You’d be surprised by how often this happens.

In addition, they haven’t had time to heal from the wounds of a marriage that isn’t even over yet.

2. Never date someone that hasn’t taken time to heal and grieve the loss of their last relationship.
Almost everyone wants to be in a relationship. I know that as soon as my divorce was final, I was dating again. I thought that it would be a breeze and I’d be with my soul mate within the first year after my divorce.

Boy, was I in for a rude awakening. What I’ve learned is that it takes time to grieve and heal from the loss of any relationship, no matter how long or short it was.

If you don’t take that time for yourself, you’ll always be broken and bring a lot of unresolved issues into the new relationship.

3. Never date someone that says they don’t want to date casually after their divorce.
This is a sign of a serial monogamist. When one relationship ends, they feel the need to jump into another relationship.

This shows great emotional immaturity and an unwillingness to accept the fact that they are going to have to face life as a single person.

They’re dating from a position of weakness. They’re generally needy and are unable to cope with life as a single person in healthy ways.

4. Never date someone that’s in continuous need of emotional support but doesn’t reciprocate.
I recently dated someone that was in constant need of emotional support. She had been in several abusive relationships and was enjoying the compliments and support I offered her.

The problem was that it was all one sided. There was very little recognition that I was even appreciated, much less desired in her life. Her focus was all about her wants, needs and desires.

This is a true sign that they haven’t taken time to heal from past relationships and aren’t yet able to be an emotionally healthy partner.

5. Never date someone that doesn’t invest time in your relationship.
If you’re both not equally invested in the relationship, it’s one sided. Don’t get sucked into a relationship where your partner isn’t willing to reach out and say “Hi, how’s your day going?”

If you have to initiate every call or every text, you’re more than likely going to be disappointed because you’re an option in their life, not a priority.

6. Never date someone that won’t commit to spending time with you.
I’m not talking about spending time texting or talking on the phone. I’m talking about face-to-face time.

I recognize that we all can be busy and time is precious. Dating is hard enough without having to struggle to schedule time together.

If this is a relationship worth having, you both need to commit to spending time together. If only one of you is interested in trying to make schedules work then you’ve got a one-sided relationship and it’s time to move on.

7. Never date someone that makes the relationship all about themselves and their needs.
A great relationship needs to be a two-way street when it comes to taking care of each other’s needs.

Relationships are not a 50/50 proposition. They’re a 100/100 partnership. Yes, there will be times that the balance is uneven, but overall, you both should be giving 100% to the relationship without having to be asked.

Your relationship should naturally make you want to be a better person for your partner.

8. Never date someone that expects you to violate your morals, values, or boundaries.
It’s so easy to get sucked into a relationship for any number of reasons. Emotions run high and we start to ignore our personal boundaries and the red flags of poor relationships.

Never date someone based solely on emotion. Yes, we all want to be in love with our partner, but more often than not, emotions cause us to make poor decisions.

This is where it’s important to have your Must Have and Deal Breaker lists. These lists allow you to step back from all of the emotions that overwhelm you and logically evaluate if you’re with the right person.

Don’t be someone’s option when they’re your priority.

I hope I’ve given you some insights to help you make healthy relationship decisions for yourself. Make this a personal challenge to take one small step at a time to keep your dating life moving forward.

For more information on creating your Must Have and Deal Breaker lists plus tips on identifying and avoiding toxic relationships, order a copy of my book Dating Backward at RickSoetebier.com/resources.

Please share your successes and your missteps to help others see that you can get better one step at a time. Leave a comment below or drop me an email at [email protected].