#236 - Are you the victim of your own beliefs?

communication dating relationships respect self worth trust

There’s so much negativity in the world today. Everywhere you turn someone’s upset or offended by something. Someone has taken advantage of someone else, or so they would have you believe.

What happened to the days when we took responsibility for ourselves, our families, our jobs, or our community?

We’ve become a society of victims! It’s not my responsibility. It’s not my fault. If this wouldn’t have happened or this would’ve happened, I could have…you name what would have been different.

We now live in an age where we want everyone else to do the work for us. We don’t want to do the due diligence necessary to make better decisions. That should be up to somebody else.

Here’s a reality check!
It’s time to be responsible for our part of whatever happens to us. If we’re taken advantage of, odds are we could have prevented it in the first place. We let emotions take over in the place of using our brains.

If you’ve made bad decisions in the past, it’s time to start owning them and learning from them.

I’ll grant you that there are certain situations that are completely out of your control. You don’t control the weather. You can’t control natural disasters. You can’t control the actions or reactions of others.

You CAN control what you do, think, and say. You CAN be responsible for your decisions…good or bad. You can choose to be a good person or a rotten one. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable.

You can choose to be a victim by deciding that you have no control over your life and that you’re a victim of circumstance.

Well, it’s time to make a change!
You can choose to be stuck where you’re at. You can choose to believe that all men suck! You can choose to believe that all women are nuts!

Do all men really suck? Or, have you just made a lot of bad choices in the men you’ve dated and spent too much time trying to hang on to a crummy relationship?

Are all women really nuts? Or did you just think that you could be the white knight that could ride in and fix whatever’s broken?

Life is based on the choices you make. You can choose to believe that everyone is out to get you. Or, you can believe that there are a lot of great people out there just waiting to be found.

Have you dropped God from your dating life?
God is such an important part of dating and finding your soul mate. I hear people regularly say they are waiting on God to bring them the right person. Yet, they’ll turn right around and jump into the first relationship they can find.

It seems as though they’re trying to out guess or not trust God and the work He’s doing in the background.

You should be praying for the specific characteristics you’re looking for in your mate. While He already knows, He still wants to hear it from each of us. Then, let Him do His work.

I’ve had my share of the “crazies” in my life.
I’ve met online scammers. I’ve dated women that were not mentally or emotionally healthy. Has that tainted my view of all women? No, because I’ve dated some really wonderful women too.

Not everyone you meet is going to be your soul mate. Expecting that is foolish and a significant waste of energy because of the ultimate disappointment that follows.

It takes time to find that special someone. It takes effort. You have to make yourself available to date. You have to know what you’re looking for and what your deal breakers are. You have to do your research, do simple background checks, check social media, check for local court documents verifying your suiter’s story.

None of this is hard. It can be a little time consuming, but it’s necessary to protect your heart and sometimes, your bank account.

Don’t be lazy. Be proactive in your dating and relationship life. Your happiness and welfare are not someone else’s responsibility. It’s YOUR responsibility.

You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be the victor.
What does that mean to you? To me, it means that I choose my attitude daily. It means that I enter each dating situation with the hopes that she could be the one. I also enter each dating situation knowing full well that the odds are not necessarily in my favor.

Some of the key lessons I’ve learned over that past 46 years of dating, marriage, divorce, and more dating is that when I see red flags, it’s time to leave. I can’t force a relationship to work just because she has a few of the characteristics that are important to me.

I have to stay true to my values. Either she has everything I’m looking for or she doesn’t. It’s that simple. No settling, no compromising. The minute you settle, you set yourself up for dating and relationship hell. It is a choice. It’s your choice.

If you’re struggling with a crummy attitude about online dating or dating in general, if you’re struggling with getting your dating skills up to speed, order a copy of my book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.

Become victorious. Learn to take a positive, proactive approach to dating and relationships. In addition to my book, there are plenty of other great materials to learn from. Most importantly is to learn from your experiences.

Learn the lessons each date has to offer. Don’t continue down a negative and pessimistic path. Learn to appreciate all your experiences, good or bad.

Now, I hope you’ll use this information to help you step out of your comfort zone and to be more proactive in your dating life.

Join me next week for “Dating is simple…when you approach it correctly!”