#227 - If you don't ask, the answer is always no!
I had to remind myself of this fact recently. I met a woman that I was attracted to that worked at a store where I needed service several times for a project I was working on. She was always helpful and always had a smile on her face.
The first time I met her I recognized she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. After a little checking, I found our she had just moved back to the area. We chit chatted a couple more times and I finally realized that if I didn’t ask her out, the answer was going to be no.
The struggle is real.
Like most of you, I struggled with asking her out. She works in a very small office and the last thing I want to do is ask someone out on a date with an audience.
It’s hard enough to face the possibility of “No” with just the two of us. Then throw in a couple more people that can overhear the entire conversation and it becomes very daunting.
But, had I not asked, she couldn’t have said “Yes”. And once she did, the pressure was off. All that fear, all that “what iffing”, and all the fumbling to make conversation. It all evaporated in an instant.
While many of you ladies may think that’s silly and all a man has to do is ask, it can be very intimidating to ask you out.
Ladies, are you caught in a conundrum?
You consider yourself to be traditional. You want to go out with a guy but you want him to ask you out first. What do you do? You can stick with the traditional values and that’s okay. It’s just going to make your life a little more difficult and maybe a little less fun.
In reality, he may be clueless, or unaware that you’re interested in him. If you’re unwilling to ask him out or even suggest it, you have to learn how to make him aware in other ways. You have to become great at flirting.
The downside of flirting is that sometimes it comes off wrong and may give the guy the wrong idea about your desires.
God knows the struggle is real
God created us. He knows our nature. Maybe that’s one of the reasons that He said “Fear not” in the Bible 365 times. He knows how afraid we can be.
According to Earl Nightingale, only about 8% of what we worry about is legitimate worry. That means that 92% is needless worry.
Does this knowledge make it any easier? Probably not. What does make things easier is to step out in courage. I discussed courage about 11 weeks ago in my blog #246 – It Takes A Little Courage. Check it out at RickSoetebier.com.
If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?
Who would you ask out? Remember, nothing will happen until you ask.
I know some of you ladies are very traditional and want the man to make the first move and ask you out. Social rules have changed over the past 50 years. I’m not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just the way it is.
Because traditional values have shifted, it means that traditional ways are far less effective than they have in the past. I love traditional values and teach them to everyone that will listen. But, you may have to adjust your way of thinking…at least in this area.
Ladies, if subtle hints haven’t worked for you, maybe you need to be a little more direct. You might say something like “You seem like a great guy. We should get together some time. Call me.”
Personally, I’ve recently accepted the fact that I can’t fail. The worst that can happen is that I learn from a date, a relationship, or a conversation that didn’t go the way I had planned or wanted it to.
In the end, all it takes is just a little courage to ask for that date. You have to make a decision that the potential date you want is greater than the potential rejection you might get if you get turned down.
Let’s put a little different twist on rejection for a minute. For every “No” you get, you’re one step closer to a “Yes”. That means you need to keep asking, getting turned down and asking again.
This can apply to asking the same person more than once or it can apply to asking a different person each time. Be aware that if you keep asking the same person and keep getting no for an answer, there comes a point where you have to accept it and move on.
Don’t become obsessive and creepy. After a couple of “No’s” from the same person, it’s time to move on.
Once you get your first “Yes”, it gets incrementally easier to ask again and again. And just like exercising any muscle, the more often you do it, the strong you become.
It may never be totally easy for you. You’ll more than likely feel butterflies each time you ask someone out for the first time. That’s normal. But, you need to take that first step and ask.
I hope today’s topic is helpful. Join me next week for “Having a lot in common won’t guarantee you a great relationship.”
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