#220 - Your dating power is in your must have list
The power is in your Must Have list
Recently I was having a conversation with a woman and we got on the topic of how long each of us had been divorced. She lamented that she had been divorced for nearly 25 years and that she had wasted 8 years in one relationship with someone that she ultimately couldn’t trust.
I asked if she knew exactly what she wanted in a relationship and if she had it written down. She said she knew what she wanted but wanted to be flexible because someone might surprise her with qualities she hadn’t thought about.
When she found out I had a written list of 37 Must Haves, she was incredulous!
She said that there was no way that I could ever find ANYONE with everything on my list! And then she said, read me your list. As I started to read, she became silent. She listened intently and question me only a couple of times for clarity.
When I was done reading, she was in awe! SHE had met every Must Have on my list. For a woman that had no problem sharing her opinion, she was almost speechless. And, she admitted that she would have to rethink her objections to making a list.
Your dating power is in your Must Have list.
It is so important to have your Must Have list written down. This is no different than making your daily or weekly To-Do list or a grocery list. It keeps you focused on the things you need to do for the day or the week.
It keeps you on track at the grocery store. How many times have you left the house without your shopping list and thought, “No problem. I know what’s on my list.”? You get to the store and all of a sudden, you realize you’re forgetting something.
You even walk the aisles of the store in hopes that it would jog your memory. You also find some great things that weren’t on your list. But, when you get home, you have several bags of groceries and then compare to your list. What do you find? You missed two or three important items!
Dating is no different than grocery shopping!
Dating without a Must Have list is like going grocery shopping without a list. You more than likely end up coming home without everything you needed.
As my friend said, she wasted 8 years in the wrong relationship. Now, obviously there were fun times in that relationship, but in the end, it was still the wrong relationship.
Why is this important? Because having a written list will help keep you focused on the things that you want and need in your next relationship.
I’ve talked to so many people that, like my friend, have wasted too much time in wrong relationships.
Stop trying to force it work!
One of the biggest problems I see is people…mostly women…making every effort to make a relationship work. You can’t change him and vise versa. This is the proverbial “trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.” It just doesn’t work.
No matter how much effort you put in, when you’re with the wrong person, it will always be wrong. Learn to recognize early on when the person you’re with is the wrong one. It doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person…they’re just not the right one.
This is where the power of your Must Have list comes in. After a great date or a few great dates, check your list. Does he…or she…have everything you’re looking for? If yes, keep going. If no, end it now.
It makes no sense to invest any additional time and emotional energy into someone that in the end will be a disappointment to you.
Again, it doesn’t make them a bad person. It just makes them the wrong one for you.
Be crystal clear!
Knowing exactly what you want is not being selfish, it’s not being too picky, and it’s not being unrealistic. You deserve to have the very best relationship possible!
Every soul mate or extraordinary couple I have talked to has said the very same thing. Their mate has brought more to the relationship than they ever could have imagined.
When you wait, when you’re patient, when you don’t settle, you leave yourself open and available to the greatest relationship you’ll ever experience.
I hope today’s topic is helpful. Join me next week for The serial dater, the serial monogamist, and you.
Please check out my Facebook page, Rick Soetebier – Relationship Coach. When you click the Like button, also make sure you click the See First button so that you see my daily tips, insights, and inspirations in your news feed.
Then join me on Facebook weekly for Monday Mastery, Live at 5:00 where I talk about whatever’s happened over the weekend and how it applies to dating and relationships.
Thanks for joining me today! Have a great and blessed day!