#199 - No tricks, no schemes, no magic, just common sense

Over the past several weeks I’ve been doing research for my new digital course that will be available in the second quarter of this year.

One of the interesting, and sad things I’ve found is that so many dating and relationship coaches want to teach you how to trick someone into loving you. Don’t misunderstand, there are coaches that give great advice. It’s the ones that don’t that you have to watch out for.

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There is no magic pill. There are no tricks that work long-term. There are no effective schemes to attract that special someone.

Either he’s going to fall in love with you or he isn’t. You can’t force someone to fall in love with you.

Know the fundamentals of dating.
I believe that there are no magic formulas to make love happen. You can improve your odds, though, by being smart about dating.

First of all, be crystal clear about what you want in a relationship. NEVER settle for anything less. Create your Must Have list and carry it with you at all times. I’ve seen some TV matchmakers say to accept someone that only has 50% of what you have on your list and pitch the rest.

I respectfully disagree. The minute you start giving up what you truly want in a relationship you’re settling. As I’ve said in the past, every person I’ve interviewed that has been in a soul mate or extraordinary relationship has told me the very same thing. Their mate has brought more to the relationship than they could have ever imagined. So…never settle!

Understand and recognize the Four Cornerstones of extraordinary relationships. They are the Intellectual, Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical connections that are fundamental to all great relationships. I’ll write about these in-depth next month covering one cornerstone each week.

Seek out someone that speaks similar love languages as you. This makes communicating with each other SOOOOO much easier. If you are unfamiliar with love languages, check out the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It’s and easy read and well worth your time.

Be active.
It would be wonderful if you could just fall in love with the first person you date. Unfortunately, that’s not the way life works. You have to get up off the couch, get out, be social, and continually meet and make new friends.

Dating takes time. This is probably the hardest part for most people. Because we live in such an immediate gratification society, we expect things to just happen right now. We want our food now. We shop online and expect overnight delivery. We text and expect a reply almost immediately.

It takes time to find a decent person to date. It takes more time to get to know them and to get to know you.

We all look for that special connection…the chemistry.
Chemistry doesn’t necessarily happen instantly. It’s wonderful when it does, but sometimes you just have to give it a little time.

What is chemistry? It’s that spark you feel when you think of that special someone. It’s the butterflies in your stomach. It’s the tingling in your toes. It’s the jitters you get in anticipation of your date tonight.

This is all part of the infatuation stage of a relationship. These feelings will subside as you get to know each other. If it’s the right relationship, they will be replaced by a much deeper feeling of connection that comes with developing the Intellectual, Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical connections mentioned above.

Most of you have never experienced an extraordinary or soul mate relationship and question whether it actually exists. It does and when you find it, it’s a feeling and a connection that literally defies description and my words here, simply cannot do it justice.

These are some of the fundamentals of dating and great relationships. Dating takes time and effort. There will be times when you you’ve had enough and get discouraged. You’ll ask yourself if it’s all worth it and you’ll quit…at least for a while.

Then you’ll recover and dip your toes in the dating pool again and off you go. It happens to everyone I talk to and it’s happened to me several times. Just about the time you get comfortable not dating, someone comes along and piques your interest and low and behold, you’re dating again.

Don’t give up. You never know who will pop into your life next. Make dating an adventure and enjoy the journey that it takes you on.

To learn more about what to look for in a great relationship please check out my blog #220 – The 8 Key Elements of an Extraordinary Relationship.

You can also request a copy of The 5 Biggest Dating and Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them. It’s free just by asking!

If you really want a deeper look at great dating skills, order a copy of my book Dating Backward. It’s available on my website or on

I hope today’s topic is helpful. For more information like this check out my other blogs and videos right here at

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Have a great and blessed day!